The Mental Emotional Health Blog

As a therapist, I believe gaining and keeping the trust of my clients to be essential to the therapy process. I spoke with another therapist a few years ago and was surprised to hear him say, “I don’t care if my clients trust me or not.” Since I knew this therapist and respected his work with clients, I can say that he didn’t mean to imply that he purposely damages the trust clients have in him. Still, I was surprised to hear that trust wasn’t that important to him.

Trust is essential in the therapy room. Trust allows the sharing of very personal and sensitive information. Trust brings the client back whether a session went well or not so well. I also firmly believe that the more a client trusts a therapist, the more likely it is that the client will apply what he/she has learned in therapy.

In closing, here is a metaphor to consider. Trust in therapy provides the willingness for a person to approach the door of personal growth, and the motivation to return to that door as many times as needed before moving through that doorway toward the next door.

Have a great day!

Discipline is one of the most important subjects in mental health. The style and effectiveness of the discipline parents or guardians provide can shape family communication patterns, individual self-esteem, social learning, ability to have healthy relationships, and obviously behavior.

I have compiled a short list of essential considerations for discipline:

•         Priorities as a parent or guardian:
  • Safety (never put a child in danger for the purpose of discipline)
  • Emphasize learning over punishment
• It is up to the adult to take the lead in showing appropriate character and responsibility.
• Earning respect usually works better than demanding it from a child.
• Respond to resistance or negativity from your child or teen with short positives.  Example:  Child – “My friend’s parent lets them stay out until 11pm!”  Adult – “Good, I hope it works for them.”
• In an argument, the person who tries to do the most convincing ends up losing the most power.
• Demonstrate more patience than your children. You can outlast them.
• Stick to one topic at a time, and try not to lecture on everything you can remember your child/teen has done wrong the past several days.

Daydreaming was so fun when I was a child. It was the kind of activity that put me wherever I wanted to go, whenever I wanted to go. As I got older, I was repeatedly encouraged to stop daydreaming (mostly at school). It makes sense to pay attention at school, but that doesn’t mean daydreaming isn’t helpful as you become an adult.

To be honest, adults are frequently or constantly under stress. We have differing levels of demands and responsibilities, and our minds are always trying to keep everything straight. So it isn’t a bad idea to daydream at least a little every day.

Most would say that distractions are bad or unproductive. Sometimes they are, especially for someone dealing with anxiety symptoms who is trying to concentrate. But I have actually encouraged some of my clients to practice daydreaming. Daydreaming provides a brief escape from daily pressures, which we all need.

Let your mind wander once in a while. Mentally picture yourself on a Caribbean beach when the snow is covering the ground outside your window. Let go and allow yourself to relax. It’s free, and it might help you get through the day. 

In general, patience is a virtue. In parenting, patience is a necessity.

Self-talk is just what it appears to be: talking to your self. No, it doesn’t mean you are crazy. Self-talk is how we make decisions, such as figuring out what to eat or whether or not to get out of bed in the morning. We all use self-talk, but we aren’t always aware of what we tell ourselves. With better awareness of your personal self-talk, you can manage your self-talk more effectively.

I’m really simplifying this, but it is basically true: if you think more positively, you will feel better. Depression is a condition that affects your thinking and your emotions, so self-talk is a major factor.

If you have an event that really isn’t positive or negative, you might characterize that event positively or negatively anyway. Here is an example of an event: there was a sunrise this morning. Two people may say exactly the same thing: “It’s another day”, but one may say it with optimism and the other with pessimism. Even in the morning, we start determining how we will perceive our day.

Applying this to depression, you don’t have to accept the negative thoughts that might dominate your thinking. By fighting back with self-talk, you can gradually improve your moods, thoughts, and even energy. Even if you don’t convince yourself to think positively, an upgrade to neutral is better than negative.

Try paying attention to the messages you give yourself mentally. It may be surprising and helpful to become more aware of your self-talk, and then learn to manage your thoughts more effectively.