The Mental Emotional Health Blog

It is helpful to know who supports you in your life.  Several clients I have worked with have gone to unsupportive people in their life to get support, and ended up feeling worse. It may seem obvious when you consider a hypothetical situation, but do you truly differentiate who is supportive of you and who is not?

When I notice this unsupportive pattern in therapy, I suggest writing a 3-column list. The columns are entitled “Supportive”, “Not Sure/Sometimes Supportive”, and “Not Supportive”. Consider several people in your life, and place them in one of the 3 columns. With some people, you may attach a descriptor for certain subjects when a person you know is supportive in one area (i.e. emotional support), and not supportive in another (financial advice). But try to keep the list as simple and useful as possible.

The next time you find yourself needing some support, go to the people in the “Supportive” column and avoid talking about the subject with the “Not Supportive” people. Sometimes a list like this is a good reminder of what you can expect from people.