The Mental Emotional Health Blog

For some people, a lot of thought goes into making a decision. For others, maybe not. Today I want to present a method for making decisions.

If we aren’t viewing a situation or problem realistically, it will often be a challenge to address it accordingly. Realistic thinking is one way you could describe the concept of mindfulness, which has been quite popular in the mental health world lately. Basically it is a conscious awareness of “This is what is happening right now”, or, “This is the actual situation”. Once you have the reality of a situation established, add a positive or negative perspective to your perception. It’s like looking objectively or rationally, then looking subjectively. I would say politics uses this method but it’s done backwards. It seems in election years, the positive or negative ”spin” is created before an event or another candidate’s statement is even looked at.  Obviously that can prevent one candidate’s campaign from viewing anyone else’s point of view realistically. 

Anyway, once you assess realistically, and then characterize a situation or certain aspects of it as positive or negative, form a realistic plan to deal with it. Once you have a plan, assess how much effort you will probably put into it.

To list the steps simply:

1. Realistically assess the situation or problem (This is how it is.)
2. Decide whether you will use a positive or negative perspective (This is how I choose to feel about it.)
3. Form a realistic plan (This is what I can do.)
4. Commit to use the plan or not (I will do this or I won’t.)
5. Reassess the situation, as in step 1 (Where are things now?)

To use a specific example (hypothetical, by the way):

1. My spouse said this to me this morning in a loud voice, “You didn’t make the bed again this morning.” It’s true that I forgot to make the bed for the 3rd time this week.
2. I feel bad/negative because I keep forgetting to make the bed before going to work.
3. I could leave a bright green post-it note on the wall next to the bedroom door for myself saying, “Make the bed.”
4. I choose to make the note tonight just before supper so I don’t forget to.
5. <1 week later> I made the bed 6 days in a row, until the note fell off the wall and I forgot this morning.

At this point, #5 can become #1 and the process can be repeated until the problem is resolved or the situation is improved. And for those of you who like abbreviated reminders, the process could be: Realistic assessment, Positive/Negative, Realistic Plan, Commit, Realistic assessment, or  R, + -, RP, C, R  .

I hope this is helpful and if any of you try it out, let me know how it works for you.