The Mental Emotional Health Blog

If you haven’t read the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu, check it out. Here are a few quotes to consider from Lao Tzu:

“When you are content to be simply yourself and do not compare or compete, everybody will respect you.”

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”

“Silence is a source of great strength.”

Signs you might be experiencing burnout as a therapist/counselor:

• You forgot how to get to your office.
• Watching the fish in your aquarium for 8 hours seems more enjoyable than going to work.
• You’ve already missed work time due to watching your fish.
• You asked one of your colleagues if you need a billing slip to talk to yourself.
• Your diagnostic summaries include, “This patient is almost as messed up as I am”, and that doesn’t really bother you.
• You suddenly start believing there is no such thing as counter-transference.
• Your patient was yelling and calling you names for the first 3o minutes of the session, and you found it vaguely interesting that the patient didn’t seem to have any capacity for emotional expression.
• 4 hour lunch breaks
• A colleague tells you the following joke, “How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?  . . . Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change!” , and after you hear the joke you seriously cannot imagine why your colleague thinks a light bulb can have motivation since it’s an inanimate object.

I’m a firm believer that neither person in a relationship should be held accountable for their mood for the first 30 minutes after waking up. It’s rare that a person’s brain is at full capacity, with the adaptability to perfectly navigate a conversation with a loved one.

That doesn’t give anyone the excuse to criticize, yell, demean, or abuse anyone for that first half-hour. I’m just talking about moodiness that may include groaning, yawning, sour facial expressions, empty stares (not directly at anyone), and grumbling to yourself audibly.

Why do people engage in small talk? Here are some possibilities:

• It’s a way to ease into deeper/intense subjects
• To avoid a specific topic
• To avoid talking about themselves
• To get an idea of someone else’s mood
• Because they want to talk to someone, but aren’t sure exactly what to talk about
• To push through the anxiety of starting a conversation
• To read reactions and get a quick assessment of another person
• To create a common tone or mood

It seems that younger children do not small talk much. They seem to get right into what they want to say a good part of the time. Maybe that’s why I like talking to children. Maybe that’s why kids act confused sometimes when grown-ups around them are small-talking instead of really talking.

I saw a Scripture verse today that really got me thinking. In Colossians 3:12, five qualities are listed: “compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline” - The Message. Talk about words to live by!