The Mental Emotional Health Blog

I really do think people mean well most of the time. The idea for this post came to me after I spoke with one of my friends the other day. She and her husband are expecting their first child in a few months. That got me thinking about all the “wisdom” expecting parents and new parents receive. I myself am a father of a 5 year old and 2 year old. Despite being a guy, I have learned some things.

My first thought was that a lot of this “wisdom” is unsolicited. Here’s a fictional example (which many can relate to):

Expectant Parent: We’re expecting in a few months and we’re so excited!

Self-Appointed Authority on Parenting: That’s great! You know your life is going to be completely different. Are you ready?

EP: I think so. We’ve almost got the baby’s room all set up and people have been great with getting us all the things we’ll need.

SAAP: Uh-huh. Do you have a baby wipe warmer yet? You have to have that you know.

EP: Umm . . . no, not yet. But we can still put it on the baby register.

SAAP: Okay. You should probably do it soon so you don’t forget. You probably won’t be remembering everything for a while, or never again after you actually become a parent. What kind of car seat did you get?

EP: We decided on <insert model here>.

SAAP: Oh. Okay, well make sure you put in the car the right way. Sometimes you think you have it in there but it’s not according to requirements.

I dramatized that a little, I admit. But isn’t it amazing how people trying to be supportive end up trying to prepare expectant parents instead, and freak them out instead?

It doesn’t stop there either. After the child is born and the new parents are thankful for this wonderful child, the lectures keep coming. It doesn’t matter that fatigue, sleeplessness, and the daily need to adapt to a major life change are ever-present. The “support” typically comes in comments like these:

Cherish these moments because children grow up fast.

Just wait until 2 years from now.

Just wait until they are teenagers.

You won’t ever sleep well again. Even after they’re 18, you’ll still worry about what they’re up to late at night.

Have you learned the correct breast-feeding method?

Make sure you burp the baby the right way.

It’s a lot easier to be supportive to new parents by keeping support simple and direct. Try asking if they need anything, or reminding them you are there if they do need something over the next few months. That is simply more helpful. No one is completely prepared for the transition to parenting, and it’s not your job to remind them of that.