The Mental Emotional Health Blog

I find it funny how some people personalize their vehicle or their home. I don’t know how it is around the world with this, but here in the Midwest and other parts of the United States are known to do this.

Example: if two or more people are walking back to their vehicles after some event they just left, the first person to reach their vehicle might identify the vehicle this way, “This is me.” The person could have said, “This is my car”, but I have heard the personalization many times. It’s just like if someone is being dropped off at home and tells the driver “This is me”, instead of “Here’s my home.” It’s not a big deal, I know. I have just always wondered how that originated.

Just be careful how you respond and don’t be too literal if someone uses the personalization . If you are dropping off your date at home and your date says, “Okay, this is me”, don’t respond with “Wow, you look old. Were you built in the 1920s?”

My first job when I was a teenager was as a summer custodian for my town’s middle school. That is where I first learned about asbestos, and the health risks associated with the substance. Today I have a guest post from Richard Moyle from the Mesothelioma Cancer Center.

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Dealing With Losing a Loved One to Mesothelioma

Losing a loved one to cancer (or any other disease) is incredibly difficult for anyone. You occasionally wonder, “Why them? Why did this have to happen to that person?” It’s even more difficult when there’s reason to believe the cancer or illness could have been prevented.

This is the case with a rare cancer known as mesothelioma. The only recognized origin for this type of cancer is exposure to a naturally occurring mineral known as asbestos. Asbestos was valued because of its sturdiness and resistance to fire and it was widely used for the majority of the 20^th century in a number of military and industrial applications. The most widespread uses were insulation, flooring, piping and brake lining.

The greater part of diagnosed cases can be traced back to job-related asbestos exposure. Regardless of the fact that many of the producers of asbestos products were aware of the health risks associated with the material, they kept on mass producing it to maximize their earnings. Countless people who were exposed were not alerted to situation and were never shown the correct ways to avoid exposure.

Other causative aspects to the difficult process of mourning the loss of someone to mesothelioma are the abruptness of the start of noticeable symptoms, diagnosis and the normally poor prognosis. Symptoms of this type of cancer characteristically take 25 to 50 years after primary exposure to begin showing. By this time the cancer is in its later stages and treatment options are usually inadequate. The average life expectancy after diagnosis is about one year.

Clearly when you combine all the factors and circumstances surrounding malignant mesothelioma and other asbestos related diseases, it causes quite a few different emotions for both the sufferer and the ones close to them. They may experience anger towards the people who permitted asbestos to be used so extensively with no warning of its undesirable health effects. They may feel aggravated by the typically futile situation mesothelioma presents or shock because of the unexpectedness or rapidity with which the disease progresses.

Persons left behind may deal with these feelings in a number of diverse ways. The anger people feel sometimes inspires them to take legal action against whoever was ultimately responsible for their loved one’s death. The sadness or grief they feel may motivate them to do all they can to raise awareness about this disease to avert further exposure and save the lives of others. Either one of these actions could be seen by the bereaved as a way of “righting the wrong” so to speak.

In general, everyone deals with the same emotions when they lose a loved one, no matter what the situation. But diseases like mesothelioma that can be traced back to the withholding of information for the purpose of making money tend to highlight some of those emotions a little bit more. Always remember that anyone who lets these emotions impede their daily lives may need assistance seeking help from a professional.

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If you visit asbestos.com an entire section on the website is dedicated to the grieving process. The site also has patient advocates on staff that can help families through these tough times.

In a previous post ( http://mentalemotionalhealth.com/2009/05/27/toxic-personalities/ ), I offered a couple brief thoughts and a link to an article about toxic personalities and I wanted to follow up on the subject today. 

One of my loyal readers is Cyndi, and she had a great comment on the post: “Ah, but what if they are unavoidable, like your spouse or your child? Learn to set good boundaries, I guess!” (It might also be a sibling, co-worker, or boss.)

That is exactly what to do when you deal with someone who is manipulative, overly dependent, or just emotionally draining and you can’t figure out why. Set boundaries. Be assertive. If someone is pushy and you set a polite boundary such as “Please don’t talk to me that way”, it might feel like you are being uncaring, rude, or maybe even mean. (Actually that would be another sign someone is having a toxic effect on you, if you ask politely and their reaction causes you to feel that you were wrong to set an appropriate boundary.)

Every person deserves to be treated respectfully, and it’s too bad some people don’t practice it often enough. But by setting good boundaries and drawing an appropriate emotional line, you can protect your feelings, energy, and relationships. Hey, it’s good to feel empowered!

Conduct Disorder is an interesting diagnosis for those of us that work with children and adolescents. Within the field of mental health, I have heard Conduct Disorder referred to as “the toughest diagnosis to work with for kids”, and “it’s just a catch-all diagnosis for misbehaving teens”. That’s quite a range. I am glad to be able to say the majority of colleagues I work with and worked with in the past emphasize the person over the diagnosis.

Destruction, aggressive speech and actions, frequent dishonesty, indifference to discipline, and breaking rules or laws are typical characteristics. As a clinician, I think the defining characteristic is lack of empathy and remorse. Most kids and teens get into a little trouble, or are defiant at some point. Those with Conduct Disorder go beyond isolated incidents and do these things often, and often ignore or minimize the emotional (or physical) pain caused to others.

When I work with kids and teens who have been diagnosed with Conduct Disorder, I try to speak in a matter-of-fact manner. I do that in order to remove my emotions from the conversation, since those that meet criteria of Conduct Disorder often tend to feed off of others’ feelings despite seeming to not care about them.

WebMD has a good summary of this difficult condition. Here is a link to info on Conduct Disorder at WebMD .