Finding Confidence (Again)
Today’s entry will take on more of a personal tone. In the past year, I have been through a divorce and two job losses, and completed a Masters of Business Administration degree. The resulting stress and fallout from my life really being turned upside down has drained and hammered my confidence, which is why I am writing about it here.
Confidence, according to Webster’s Online Dictionary, includes the following among its definitions: “faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way”. I do my best, no matter what, to act properly at all times, regardless of my mood or circumstances. During my divorce, I am proud to say that I never degenerated into profanity, name-calling, or threats. I kept the needs of my children met, and did not argue with my ex-wife in front of the children. I did act properly. Many times it felt empty to take the higher ground, but I kept my integrity throughout and got through the divorce.
Along the way, however, I did lose confidence that I was making the right choices. I somehow picked up a habit of second-guessing myself in most areas of my life. I now believe this was a coping style that I started using while consistently facing major stressors. (It would be too easy to simply say I was having a mid-life crisis. I didn’t have the money to buy a flashy sports car, anyway.)
I also became lost some of the belief that I was being effective. I overlooked some successes and focused on worry. That doesn’t help of course. In a past entry I mentioned the importance of preparing instead of worrying (here). The mistake I made was looking at options so much that I became indecisive and inactive. Looking at options is a good exercise, especially for those of us who are analytical. But don’t stop there; decide on the best option and do something about it.
Now that I have been simply doing what I think is best after a little thinking, I have been acting more decisively. Funny how my confidence is returning at the same time! Confidence is a feeling, but in reality it is based on action. There are some people who feel confident without being active or decisive. I guess the only way you find your true confidence is when you are faced with a major, or several major, challenges. At those times, look at your options, consult 2-4 friends or people you trust, and decide. If you make a mistake, fix it. If you don’t make a mistake, good job! Go with it. Speaking from experience, the time you would have spent worrying will be better spent in following through on good decisions you made.
