The Mental Emotional Health Blog

Sorry I haven’t posted in a few days, everyone. I usually try not to let more a day or two pass between entries here. But on to the topic of the day . . .

For some people, a lot of thought goes into making a decision. For others, maybe not. Today I want to present a method for making decisions.

If we aren’t viewing a situation or problem realistically, it will often be a challenge to address it accordingly. Realistic thinking is one way you could describe the concept of mindfulness, which has been quite popular in the mental health world lately. Basically it is a conscious awareness of “This is what is happening right now”, or, “This is the actual situation”. Once you have the reality of a situation established, add a positive or negative perspective to your perception. It’s like looking objectively or rationally, then looking subjectively. I would say politics uses this method but it’s done backwards. It seems in election years, the positive or negative ”spin” is created before an event or another candidate’s statement is even looked at.  Obviously that can prevent one candidate’s campaign from viewing anyone else’s point of view realistically. 

Anyway, once you assess realistically, and then characterize a situation or certain aspects of it as positive or negative, form a realistic plan to deal with it. Once you have a plan, assess how much effort you will probably put into it.

To list the steps simply:

1. Realistically assess the situation or problem (This is how it is.)
2. Decide whether you will use a positive or negative perspective (This is how I choose to feel about it.)
3. Form a realistic plan (This is what I can do.)
4. Commit to use the plan or not (I will do this or I won’t.)
5. Reassess the situation, as in step 1 (Where are things now?)

To use a specific example (hypothetical, by the way):

1. My spouse said this to me this morning in a loud voice, “You didn’t make the bed again this morning.” It’s true that I forgot to make the bed for the 3rd time this week.
2. I feel bad/negative because I keep forgetting to make the bed before going to work.
3. I could leave a bright green post-it note on the wall next to the bedroom door for myself saying, “Make the bed.”
4. I choose to make the note tonight just before supper so I don’t forget to.
5. <1 week later> I made the bed 6 days in a row, until the note fell off the wall and I forgot this morning.

At this point, #5 can become #1 and the process can be repeated until the problem is resolved or the situation is improved. And for those of you who like abbreviated reminders, the process could be: Realistic assessment, Positive/Negative, Realistic Plan, Commit, Realistic assessment, or  R, + -, RP, C, R  .

I hope this is helpful and if any of you try it out, let me know how it works for you.

In the Mental Health field and my personal life, I have heard plenty about the subject of goal-setting. I also think I was naive and unrealistic for most of my life in setting goals for myself. It was not until recently that I got a better handle on my own goal-setting.

In general, the traditional components of goal-setting are:

• The goal is realistic/reachable.
• Set specific goals. For example, it’s better to set a goal of “Run 1 mile in under 7 minutes”, than “Be healthier.”
• Make the goal time-specific; set a deadline.
• Tell your goal to someone for accountability/motivation.
• Write the goal down.
• Consider potential obstacles that might get in the way of reaching your goal.

It was in writing goals down that often got me stuck. My problem (and this was my challenge, everyone is different) was that I would list a bunch of goals on one sheet of paper.  Sometimes even the next day I’d look at my goal sheet and feel overwhelmed. So now I’ve adjusted my goal-setting, and it has helped. Here are my tweaks to goal-setting:

1. The goal is realistic and reachable in the amount of time you give yourself to accomplish it.
2. Set specific goals.
3. Make the goal time-specific. Give yourself enough time to complete the goal while setting a deadline to keep the goal on your mind.
4. Do not wait to be motivated, or waste energy trying to get yourself motivated. Focus your energy on working towards your goal. Just do it (thank you, Nike).
5. Write one goal down at a time to improve your focus.
6. Consider potential obstacles to achieving your goal, and remove them or work around them. Just don’t focus more on the obstacles than on your actions toward your goal, or the goal itself.

You may notice that I removed “Tell your goal to someone”. I found that for myself, the less I share my goals with others, the more likely I am to work towards my goal. I don’t know exactly why that is, but here’s my guess. I think I value my independence, and want to keep my goals personal. A few times I have tried using an accountability partner for losing weight, but I didn’t start actually losing weight (and forming healthier habits) until I just worked on that goal myself. People have noticed too, which is nice. I went from weighing 230 lbs to 200 lbs in about a year and a half. Then I told myself I feel 2-3 bowling balls lighter than before (a little positive self-talk).

If an accountability partner works for you, or listing several goals works better, then do those things. The trick to goal-setting is understanding that it is just the expressed purpose of accomplishing something specific.

If the purpose is right, and reachable, and you give yourself time and energy to work towards the goal, you’ll get there.