The Mental Emotional Health Blog

I find discussions about and the application of change dynamics fascinating. (I’m guessing that’s the first you have read that sentence today.) I work in a “change” field as a Clinical Therapist. Each client brings a set of challenges and strengths, and their presence in the therapy room implies a desire for some type of change. And change occurs in the client and therapist every single time.

Anyway, types of change are on my mind today. If a person wants to change something in his or her life, the depth of that change depends on the type of change. First-order change happens when you change behaviors or solve problems on the surface; it’s like you are playing the same game with the same rules with different strategies. Second-order change is where deeper, typically more lasting change occurs. With second-order change, the rules of the game change and your perspective widens past the assumptions you previously held.

Failing to quit smoking is a great example. Many people attempt to keep their lives the same (same game, same rules) while trying to make an isolated change like trying to figure out how to quit (different strategies). If a second-order change is applied, a person can reinvent himself or herself overall (different rules) and create or enhance more habits that support the desired change. Second-order changes are changes other people can recognize too. These comments indicate when a second-order change might have been made:

Since he stopped smoking he became a new man.

She has a whole new outlook on life.

There is something different about you.

Way to think out-of-the-box.

You have grown up.

For those of you out there who prefer a visual representation of transformational change, check out this web page I found this morning (I have no affiliation with the site; just thought it explained orders of change pretty well): Break Out of the Box .

I thought of this idea for a blog entry a while ago. I’m not sure if it would even be interesting to any of you, but here it is.

It may be obvious, but a therapist experiences several emotions during each client session. Some therapists might deny that or not be aware of it, but it is definitely true for me. So I made some mental notes during a session with one of my regular clients, focusing on the different emotions I was experiencing during the conversation. After the session, I completed the list and it surprised me. These are all from one 50-minute session:

• pleased
• thankful
• curious
• confused
• confident
• tentative
• apprehensive
• anxious
• concerned
• content

With some of these feelings, I was mirroring the emotions I sensed from the client. Other times, they were just my emotional reactions to what was being discussed. In any case, it shows that therapists go through a range of emotions just like clients do.

An important perspective I learned in graduate school that I still hold to today is this: if showing your emotions will help the client then let them out; if not, keep them to yourself. (At least until later, when you do need to deal with your emotions wherever they came from.)  As a therapist, it is crucial to realize that the point of therapy is to experience and use emotions productively. The point is not to get to a “level of maturity” that is emotion-less.

By the way, the client felt better at the end of the session that day than when we started. I felt better later after I processed my own feelings. 

Thoughts and feelings influence each other, meaning one can precede and affect the other one. The context I am using here is meta-cognition (thinking about how you are thinking). When you are mindful of how you are thinking, your emotions follow. On the other hand, if you are just thinking without giving much thought to what you are thinking about, your feelings may have a greater effect on your thinking without you being aware of it.

In general, however, I consider thoughts to be more proactive and feelings more reactive. Sometimes feelings just come up, seemingly on their own. By paying closer attention to your thoughts, and how positive or negative they are, you can provide more influence over how you feel.

For more on this subject, which is related to cognitive-behavioral therapy, check out these websites:

http://www.nacbt.org/whatiscbt.htm

http://www.sleepeducation.com/Treatment.aspx?id=5

If asked, people tend to identify themselves as more intellectual or more emotional, or a balance of the two. For those of you that are balanced, well done.

For the rest of us, the favoring of intellect or emotions sometimes can lead us to worry that the other one is a weakness. This is a “mental vs emotional” approach. Consider using a “mental and emotional” approach.

People who are deep thinkers, or just thinkers, might see emotions as getting in the way of rational thinking. That can be true. When someone is overwhelmed it is certainly difficult to maintain clear, rational thinking. On the other hand, emotions are a part of us as humans and serve as a source for enjoyment, meaning, and can also be a type of warning system. People who tend to be more emotional might frown on not being able to feel their emotions if they are mentally focused on something.

The key is to allow both mental and emotional functioning to exist together. To do this, it may as simple as giving yourself time for each. If you wake up tomorrow morning and your emotions are already in high gear, allow them to be intense for a few minutes and then acknowledge that you can step back mentally and add some rational thought to the emotions. If you have spent the day concentrating on work or other tasks but haven’t taken the time to acknowledge your emotions, slow down for a few minutes and let them in.

It is okay to feel and it is okay to think. Try to find your own balance with both.

There are days when it’s tough to walk out the door after work without carrying some “emotional baggage” with you.

1. After you arrive at work and just before you start your day, close your eyes, picture yourself in a good frame of mind for the day, and take 2 deep, cleansing breaths.
2. Make your smiles simple and sincere.
3. Send a short, supportive or complimenting email to a co-worker you enjoy working with. 
4. Avoid listening to and spreading gossip. 
5. Right before you leave work, or just after you get outside, mentally review the day you just had in your mind (take about 30 seconds to 1 minute). Consider the emotion you felt most often that day (whether you think it was positive or negative), and then reflect on something positive outside of work. This provides a nice transition from your work life to your personal life.