The Mental Emotional Health Blog

Experiences and relationships shape who you are, but who you are is more important than anything you face.

Have you ever wondered what you’re feeling? Sometimes it can be difficult to separate and identify one feeling.  So I’ve told clients over the years that feelings can be layered.

The top layer of feeling is what is expressed openly, or is clearly identified by a person if not being actively expressed. I’ll use myself as an example (hypothetical situation though). Number 1 will be the top feeling, and the underlying feelings follow:

1. I’m angry because the DVD player isn’t recognizing the DVD that the next episode of “24, Season 2″ is on, and I was really looking forward to watching it tonight now that the kids are in bed.
2. Before being angry, I was worried because my wife is on her way back from visiting her grandmother 4 hours away and it has been snowing all day.
3. Before that, I was angry because I warned her to be careful and not to push it when the roads might be slippery and dangerous.
4. Underneath that anger, I have been frustrated because she refused to go to the doctor to get checked out for the cough she’s had for 3 weeks, and then drove by herself to a place 4 hours away.
5. I’m actually afraid she might slide off the road or get hurt if another vehicle hits hers.

In this example, the layering breaks down like this: 

1. ANGER
2. WORRY
3. ANGER
4. FRUSTRATION
5. FEAR

Obviously, the DVD player is not the main concern here. But that can serve as both a trigger and an outlet for underlying feelings. Also, notice that anger came up more than once. People that are angry often may have a layered list of feelings that are more than 50% anger, which often is on top as well. That could be a reason why people who “need anger management” rarely express their other emotions; the other emotions are ignored or shifted to anger.

If you haven’t read the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu, check it out. Here are a few quotes to consider from Lao Tzu:

“When you are content to be simply yourself and do not compare or compete, everybody will respect you.”

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”

“Silence is a source of great strength.”

I am now in chapter 4 of The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. It’s still keeping my attention, and I look forward to my morning drives and lunch hours so I can listen.

Two things stood out for me from this book as I listened yesterday and this morning:

1. If we frequently think, “I don’t have enough time”, then we will keep feeling that way. Conversely, if we start thinking, “I will have enough time”, we will find more time in the day. I am trying this out, mostly to see if I become more efficient or limit myself from rushing around.
2. Gratitude is powerful. If we are thankful all the time, from the moment we wake up and throughout the day, we will draw positive things to us.

These are points I took from the book, not exact quotes. But overall, that’s what I understood. One thing I like about The Secret so far is that it is presented as a positive way of life, not just a set of things to do to feel better.

I just bought the audio version of The Secret by Rhonda Byrne over the weekend. My wife’s mother had read it a while ago and she made it sound compelling, and I have read a few things about the book more recently. I figured I’d see what the buzz is about.

So far, I am in Chapter 2 (I love “reading” a book by hearing it sometimes). I put it in my car this morning and off to work I went.

First thoughts: I am intrigued. The Secret is presented as a universal law of attraction, which basically every great person in history used. The more you think positively, the more positive things you attract. If you think passionately and consistently enough, you can gain anything you want. It kind of sounds to me like “I think, therefore I am”, only more detailed. Also, if you consistently have negative or fearful thoughts, you attract those things as well.

It’s possible that this will turn into a book review, spread out over several entries, or just a one-time little blurb here. So far, though, I am interested in hearing more about The Secret. I’d also like to hear from any of you who have read the book.