The Mental Emotional Health Blog

Anger management is not hoping that you won’t be angry. So give yourself a good chance to diffuse anger by expecting that you will, in fact, get angry. I have worked with several clients, male and female, that have worked on their anger and then get surprised when they get angry again (For example: “I got mad again last night, so this stuff didn’t work!”). That is when I explain what might be obvious to some: Anger management is learning to manage the anger reactions you will have, not eliminating anger as an emotion.

The next time you feel stressed, frustrated, or annoyed in a specific situation, tell yourself that you are going to get angry, accept it, and then figure out how you want to handle it appropriately. Then you’ll have a better chance to manage your anger and will allow your rational brain to stay involved in the process.

Have you ever heard of the Ripple Effect? Jacob Kounin wrote a book in the area of education, Discipline and Group Management in Classrooms (1970), discussing the idea that when one student in a class is reprimanded or disciplined, other students may tend to comply even if they were not addressed directly. According to Wikipedia, The Ripple Effect is a term also used in sociology, economics, and spiritual activism.

For people that use systems-thinking, which views individual problems (or components) as part of a larger system, The Ripple Effect makes sense. For any direct intervention there are other effects because one person or situation is also part of, and therefore interacts with, a larger system or situation.

So today, I want to use the Ripple Effect angle as a way to emphasize how important it can be to be positive and healthy. Whether you say that laughter is contagious or smiles are contagious, you’re absolutely right. Positivity affects other people positively, just as negativity tends to affect people negatively. When a positive and negative person meet and influence each other, whoever has more patience will have the greater influence. That is where health becomes part of the equation.

A healthy person will tend have positive energy and generally will have the patience to stay positive. But the thing about positive people is that they also tend to share their positive energy with others, and that promotes health in a workplace, classroom, or community. If enough people buy into positivity and health frequently enough, a healthy culture is established. People are more productive, more supported, more supportive, and less stressed.

And that is why genuine smiles and compliments are so important. They ripple out to people beyond the people you shared your positive energy with.

The resources you use can take on different meanings depending on your mood and life situation. For those of you that enjoy reading I will make some suggestions on what to read, or what not to read, at certain times.

• When you feel lonely - Read books that speak to you as an individual, whether it bolsters your self-esteem, discusses a favorite hobby or interest, or is something inspirational. Do not read books about relationships, unless you recently had a breakup or loss and the book is about recovering from those specific events.
• When you feel confident and self-assured - This is when you read about relationships, making them better, and improving your communication style. You can read just about anything when you are feeling secure in yourself.
• When you feel anxious - You can read about anxiety-reduction or stress management strategies, as long as you don’t read to the point of feeling overwhelmed by the ideas presented. Avoid reading material with a lot of detail or depth. Also, reading travel books or magazines with pictures can be helpful in providing your mind with calming images.
• When you feel depressed - Read a children’s book. The Dr. Seuss books are colorful, playful, and silly. And there are thousands of other great children’s books that can lift your mood in simple ways. It is also okay to read books to educate yourself on depression/treating depression so you know what to expect in getting better, but again, don’t overwhelm yourself.

Happy reading!

Accepting compliments is essential to healthy self-esteem. Believing compliments is also important, but that won’t happen anyway if you’re not even accepting them. Here are some simple things to remember:

1. Say “Thank you”, or “thanks”, or “I appreciate that”.
2. If you know your self-esteem is low, you don’t have to worry about an overabundance of pride, so don’t minimize or argue with the person giving the compliment. Avoid saying things like, “Not really”, or “No big deal”, or “I don’t see it that way”.
3. Do not tell yourself things like, “They just don’t know me.” Compliments are often behavior-based or fact-based, such as “Nice job on the project”, or “I like your shoes”. So again, don’t argue with the compliment internally.

If you want to start believing compliments, after you say “thank you”, ask yourself, “What if you are right?” Honestly consider it being at least possible.