The Mental Emotional Health Blog

Here’s the difference between mentally preparing and worrying:

• Mental preparation is decisive and active. You think about options or situations ahead of time and decide how you will handle them. You resolve something here.
• Worrying is indecisive and passive. You also think about options or situations when you worry. But you don’t make a decision on how to handle them, and then the situations happen to you.  Worrying does nothing to resolve a concern or problem.

Even if your preparation turns out to be incorrect, at least you will not have wasted time as much time worrying.

I am one of those people that processes most of the day. By that I mean I think about situations and how I fit into them, what I could have done differently, what I might say in the next conversation, etc. You would think I am a perfectionist with all that going on frequently in my head. I have some perfectionist qualities, but I don’t consider myself one. You could say I am not a perfect perfectionist.

What keeps me from the frequent or constant anxiety of being a perfectionist is in the way I evaluate myself. The most productive way to evaluate yourself is to take an attitude of curiosity. When you are truly curious, you are less critical.

Example:

Critical - Ugh! Why did I say THAT?

Curious - That’s interesting. I wonder why I said that. 

It is okay to examine how you think, act, and speak. Just try to be more objective, with a curious attitude. Avoiding self-criticism helps you feel better anyway.

If you haven’t heard of this publication yet, it is definitely worth your time to check out Psychologies Magazine from the United Kingdom. The link to the website is here: http://www.psychologies.co.uk/ .

Last year I reviewed this magazine, and this year I am still impressed (link).

Here is my only complaint; I am not able to subscribe in the United States to have it mailed to me. Aaarrggghh!! Luckily I can continue to visit Target and Barnes & Noble to find it on my own.

Thoughts and feelings influence each other, meaning one can precede and affect the other one. The context I am using here is meta-cognition (thinking about how you are thinking). When you are mindful of how you are thinking, your emotions follow. On the other hand, if you are just thinking without giving much thought to what you are thinking about, your feelings may have a greater effect on your thinking without you being aware of it.

In general, however, I consider thoughts to be more proactive and feelings more reactive. Sometimes feelings just come up, seemingly on their own. By paying closer attention to your thoughts, and how positive or negative they are, you can provide more influence over how you feel.

For more on this subject, which is related to cognitive-behavioral therapy, check out these websites:

http://www.nacbt.org/whatiscbt.htm

http://www.sleepeducation.com/Treatment.aspx?id=5

If asked, people tend to identify themselves as more intellectual or more emotional, or a balance of the two. For those of you that are balanced, well done.

For the rest of us, the favoring of intellect or emotions sometimes can lead us to worry that the other one is a weakness. This is a “mental vs emotional” approach. Consider using a “mental and emotional” approach.

People who are deep thinkers, or just thinkers, might see emotions as getting in the way of rational thinking. That can be true. When someone is overwhelmed it is certainly difficult to maintain clear, rational thinking. On the other hand, emotions are a part of us as humans and serve as a source for enjoyment, meaning, and can also be a type of warning system. People who tend to be more emotional might frown on not being able to feel their emotions if they are mentally focused on something.

The key is to allow both mental and emotional functioning to exist together. To do this, it may as simple as giving yourself time for each. If you wake up tomorrow morning and your emotions are already in high gear, allow them to be intense for a few minutes and then acknowledge that you can step back mentally and add some rational thought to the emotions. If you have spent the day concentrating on work or other tasks but haven’t taken the time to acknowledge your emotions, slow down for a few minutes and let them in.

It is okay to feel and it is okay to think. Try to find your own balance with both.