The Mental Emotional Health Blog

Who are you? That’s a simple enough answer, because you can just say your name. But if you are asked to define yourself, that can be difficult.

Some answers to the self-definition answer could be:

1. One or a few of your roles in life (”I’m a parent”, “I’m a teacher”, “I’m a golfer”, etc.)
2. A unique quality or accomplishment (”I am the world record holder for eating a family-sized box of Frosted Flakes in  35.5 seconds.”)
3. Character descriptions (”I’m easy-going, sincere, and have a silly sense of humor.”)
4. “I’m not sure”, or “I don’t know who I am.”

By the way, I don’t even know if someone can eat Frosted Flakes that quickly, and I hope no one ever gets inspired to try. No one would want to be around a person with the resulting sugar rush anyway.

I tend to prefer defining myself with roles and descriptions, which are numbers 1 and 3 from above. But there’s one other way I didn’t mention that is my favorite.

Metaphors, or word-pictures, are powerful and can help define someone in a deeper and sometimes more accurate way. If a person says, “I’m a teacher”, that can give some clues about the person and his/her qualities. But if a person says, “I’m a teacher who is like a drill instructor”, that will provide not only clues but probably some sort of emotion.

If you have never defined yourself with metaphor, analogy, or some sort of word-picture, I invite you to try. Some word-pictures you try won’t seem to fit exactly right, but with practice you can both define yourself and empower yourself. Many of my readers get an idea of who I am from my other posts. But to provide an example as I end today’s entry, I’ll describe myself this way:

I am like a river. I can babble on the surface while I am quiet underneath. I may be quiet on the surface, but flow with constant strength underneath. I can wear down any obstacle, or can move around it if needed. I can blend in with others, but I keep my own current. My Source is not of my making. I merely run the course where the Source placed me. 

Accepting compliments is essential to healthy self-esteem. Believing compliments is also important, but that won’t happen anyway if you’re not even accepting them. Here are some simple things to remember:

1. Say “Thank you”, or “thanks”, or “I appreciate that”.
2. If you know your self-esteem is low, you don’t have to worry about an overabundance of pride, so don’t minimize or argue with the person giving the compliment. Avoid saying things like, “Not really”, or “No big deal”, or “I don’t see it that way”.
3. Do not tell yourself things like, “They just don’t know me.” Compliments are often behavior-based or fact-based, such as “Nice job on the project”, or “I like your shoes”. So again, don’t argue with the compliment internally.

If you want to start believing compliments, after you say “thank you”, ask yourself, “What if you are right?” Honestly consider it being at least possible.

When you feel like you have to prove yourself to someone, or in general, do the opposite of what isn’t working.

• If you are more upset with the feeling itself but then you don’t actually work to prove yourself, go ahead and try to prove yourself. Give yourself credit for trying.
• If you spend most of your time actively trying to prove yourself, stop trying so hard. Tell yourself you don’t need to prove yourself to anyone.
• If you don’t know why you feel the need to prove yourself, apply some thought and identify some factors that lead to this feeling.

Although it is a cliche, living “one day at a time” is tremendously valuable when applied. So on rough days, take comfort that the day will end. When you have a good day, savor it.

The popular saying is that “curiosity killed the cat”. But in humans curiosity can serve us well. When a person feels paranoia that others are watching or out to get him/her, that feeling tends to build on it’s own fear/anxiety. In order to counteract paranoia, I suggest finding a way to be curious about other people.

A person who is curious is not trapped. Mentally, there is an emphasis is on observing and learning, and that takes the place of paranoia. In other words, it is difficult to feel genuinely curious and paranoid at the same time.

So if I feel paranoid at the grocery store that everyone is looking at me, I could observe other people and ask myself such questions as, “Does their clothing match?”, “How old are that person’s shoes?”, or whether or not I think that person owns a pet, and what kind of pet I could picture them owning.  If successful, my thought processes start to function with some logic based on observable reality.

If the curiosity angle isn’t working you can always try telling yourself, “They’re looking at me. So what? Some people are just nosy.”