The Mental Emotional Health Blog

Here’s the difference between mentally preparing and worrying:

• Mental preparation is decisive and active. You think about options or situations ahead of time and decide how you will handle them. You resolve something here.
• Worrying is indecisive and passive. You also think about options or situations when you worry. But you don’t make a decision on how to handle them, and then the situations happen to you.  Worrying does nothing to resolve a concern or problem.

Even if your preparation turns out to be incorrect, at least you will not have wasted time as much time worrying.

Most people hate insomnia. The feeling of not being able to fall asleep despite being tired, the thoughts that race from one subject to another, the difficulty concentrating, and all the reasons you think of for needing rest can all add up to exhaust you. Of course, being exhausted doesn’t always help you get to sleep either.

So instead of fighting insomnia, switch your focus to getting rest, regardless of whether you sleep or not. Anxiety is tough to deal with, and is one of the main factors in preventing sleep. By decreasing your own anxiety and tension, you allow your body and mind to rest. Don’t get me wrong, sleep is an ideal way for the human body to recharge and reset itself. But if you can’t sleep, at least focus on relaxation.  If you happen to fall asleep while relaxing, enjoy it. Either way, you’re getting some rest.

For a few ideas on how to do decrease anxiety, check out my previous post: Decreasing Anxiety .

The word “intimidate” is defined this way in the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary: “to make timid or fearful : frighten; especially : to compel or deter by or as if by threats”. I want to provide a strategy for not feeling intimidated in certain situations.

The main goal of this intimidation-buster strategy is to identify what is intimidating you in a situation in order to diffuse your own ”fear reaction”. These questions may help:

1) What is it specifically about this situation that has me feeling intimidated (a specific person, feeling outnumbered, environment, etc.)?

2) Does this situation remind me of other situations I felt intimidated into doing something or not doing something?

3) What kinds of body language (posture, invading personal space, etc.) and facial expressions are making me feel uncomfortable?

4) Am I being interrupted frequently?

5) Is this person talking louder than I am, or yelling?

6)  What could this person gain from intimidating me?

7)  Is that person really trying to intimidate me, or am I somehow causing my own anxiety in this situation?

There are other similar questions you could ask yourself, but I think you get the general idea. It may also be easier to consider these questions when you are away from the intimidating situation. Intimidating situations are almost always emotional, and it is tougher to think logically when you’re feeling a lot of emotion.

Being curious is one of the best ways to diffuse your own emotions. Once you feel comfortable enough to ask yourself some of the questions listed above while you are in a situation, you may notice how curiosity can replace anxiety. Curiosity allows you to maintain a logical thought process. Emotions such as fear, anger, confusion, sadness, and even happiness can make it difficult to think clearly. But you don’t have to worry about feeling so curious you can’t think straight.

To summarize, here is a 3-step Intimidation-Buster strategy that incorporates some of these ideas if you notice yourself feeling intimidated in a situation:

Step 1: Do your best to keep your breathing slow and natural.

Step 2: Decide to maintain a curious frame of mind while you are in the intimidating situation.

 Step 3: Ask  yourself a few of the 7 questions listed above, with the goal of identifying what is intimidating you.

This also takes practice, so don’t expect to master it quickly. It may be more helpful to practice the strategy when you are alone and not feeling intimidated, and use the last intimidating situation you were in as an example.

Anxiety and fear can be intense, but you can learn to function well despite having those emotions in intimidating situations.

A few days ago, I added an entry on Tips for Decreasing Anxiety. But sometimes it’s easier for people to focus on avoiding something rather than trying to accomplish something. With that in mind, here is a list of ways you can really increase your stress and anxiety levels (in other words, these are what to avoid).

Tips for Increasing Anxiety and Adding Stress to Your Life

• Dwell on something all day and night without making any plans to change the situation.
• Criticize yourself for not being successful in 100% of what you did today.
• Neglect your nutrition and rest regularly.
• Don’t ever go for relaxing walks or work out.
• Skip showering or bathing.
• Don’t set any goals in your life.
• Set goals that are so ridiculous you won’t be able to achieve them until you are 110 years old.
• Vent your problems to people that have spread gossip about you based on what you confided in them at other times.
• Eat your lunch as fast as you can, and don’t allow yourself to enjoy any of it.
• Drink caffeine in large quantities throughout the day and evening hours.
• Complain to yourself every single minute you aren’t able to fall asleep.
• Add several topics to every simple conversation you have. 
• Don’t ever pray.
• Smoke cigarettes or chew tobacco regularly.
• Be critical of yourself anytime you happen to look in a mirror.
• Spend more time trying to motivate yourself than actually doing what you need or want to do.

Now, in case you want some tips for bringing down anxiety and stress levels, here’s the link to the other entry:   http://mentalemotionalhealth.com/2008/02/22/tips-for-decreasing-anxiety/ .

I see people with Anxiety symptoms in my office as much or more than I see people with Depression symptoms. Anxiety is a large category with many different signs, but I’ll put it in the simplest terms I can. With Anxiety, you’re nervous about something specific or everything in general. Mentally, you either have difficulty focusing on any one subject or you feel you cannot help but focus on one subject. Emotionally, you could experience a range of feelings from uneasy to worried to panicked. Physically, you might notice tight muscles, headaches, stomach discomfort or pain, or shortness of breath, or other signs.

So what can you do? Here is a short list to get you started, but everyone has their own methods that tend to work better for them. The important thing here is to use what works.

Tips for Decreasing Anxiety
- Deep breathing (breathe from your belly, not your chest, and a little slower than normal)
- Distracting, pleasurable activities
- Exercise
- Meditation
- Positive self-talk (mentally say reassuring things to yourself)
- Talking to a trustworthy person
- Martial arts
- Eliminating or cutting down caffeine intake
- Training your mind to slow down
- Making preparations instead of just worrying