Say what you need to say at the right time. In my mind, that is the simple explanation of how to be assertive.
Assertiveness seems to have two different definitions in America. One definition is that being assertive is saying whatever you want no matter what, and the other definition is that it’s a new fad that can be the key to managing workplace boardrooms and asking your boss for a raise.
What I am interested in is appropriate assertiveness. Assertiveness is not aggressiveness, which takes on a less respectful tone and is more manipulative and hostile. When you are assertive, you speak your perspective and stand up for yourself. If done correctly in some situations, it is a way to bypass the aggressive-defensive component of conversations. Assertiveness invites a response without demanding a response.
Here is an example involving a hypothetical restaurant customer talking to a server:
Aggressive Customer: Hey! My fork here is dirty! What kind of place are you running here?
Assertive Customer: Hey, my fork here is dirty. I will need a clean fork.
The aggressive approach provokes the server into taking either a defensive stance or a shamed stance, and neither will improve the server’s day. On the other hand, the assertive approach draws specific attention to a specific problem, and states a simple solution. That provides the server with a clear method of solving the problem.
For a nice resource on assertiveness, check this out: http://www.emoclear.com/processes/assertiveness.html .
Take care, everyone. Thanks for stopping by!
