The Mental Emotional Health Blog

Why do people engage in small talk? Here are some possibilities:

• It’s a way to ease into deeper/intense subjects
• To avoid a specific topic
• To avoid talking about themselves
• To get an idea of someone else’s mood
• Because they want to talk to someone, but aren’t sure exactly what to talk about
• To push through the anxiety of starting a conversation
• To read reactions and get a quick assessment of another person
• To create a common tone or mood

It seems that younger children do not small talk much. They seem to get right into what they want to say a good part of the time. Maybe that’s why I like talking to children. Maybe that’s why kids act confused sometimes when grown-ups around them are small-talking instead of really talking.

Children really are wonderful. I’m constantly amazed with preschoolers and grade schoolers at the typical combination of concrete and creative thinking. They can imagine all kinds of things I wouldn’t even consider, but when I ask a simple question I forget how literal they can be.

A few months ago, I decided to ask my 4 year old son a profound question. We were driving in the car and I said, “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” Without hesitation he replied, “The chicken”. Not giving up, I asked, “Then where did the chicken come from?” Again without hesitation he said, in that isn’t-it-obvious tone, “The barn”.

When my son was about 3 years old, I walked into his room one afternoon and saw just about all his toys in front of his toybox and around the room. So being the logical-minded dad I asked how the mess had happened. He looked up at me, and in the sweetest lying voice I have ever heard, replied, “Darth Vader messed up my room.”

Children have powerful imaginations, and I have told several adults in my therapy office to start daydreaming again. Something happens during those adolescent years when society and adults tend to grind out our childlike creativity and expect us to use grown-up creativity.

That childlike thinking is a blessing and can help us all feel younger. How often do you hear from people, “I’m getting old”, or “I feel so old”? I’m all for experience and being productive, but let your mind play daily. You may find energy you forgot you had.